Friday, April 13, 2018

Anxiety and the gym.

Can I just let something off my chest for a minute and be totally transparent?
 I have an anxiety disorder.

Hard to tell through my smile or through those little squares on Instagram but I have anxiety. I’ve keep it hidden for so long. I rarely talk about it. Unless you're my momma! (thanks for always listening!) Let’s be real.. most people just can’t relate to an anxiety disorder unless they have some type of anxiety themselves. It is so easy to just say “wellll just don’t overthink about it.” Or my personal favorite “Just don’t be anxious.” Like what? Duh! If it was that easy I wouldn’t have anxiety. 

There is so much I could write about my journey with anxiety. Like I could bore you to death. And maybe one day i'll do just that, When I’m ready I’ll share more. But what I want to share with you today and what is really weighing heavy on me right now is anxiety and the gym. Sounds dumb. But I’m so Out. Of. Shape. Many factors play into this. Having my second child, laziness, having pneumonia last year then being diagnosed with asthma and ANXIETY. It is hard to find the motivation to get into shape. My mind also lies to me on the daily. Telling me I’m weak. Telling me that I’m not strong enough. Telling me my body will fail me. It is literally the hardest thing for me to over come. Knowing you need to get your booty into the gym to get in shape,  be healthy and strong. But then having your own mind play games with you. It just leaves you feeling deflated. 

Despite my anxiety. I joined back to my old gym the end of January. It’s been a slow start. It’s been hard. Real hard. Some days the anxiety of going to the gym, having an anxiety attack, asthma attack or feeling weak takes over. These thoughts rule my work out. They fill my head with such dark lies. It is a constant war. Today is one of those days. I woke up feeling good but I felt my anxiety coming. I also have been dealing with allergies the past few days. With having asthma it can flare up easily. Even so I got up. Cleaned up the house a bit. Got my kids dressed and then hardest of them all... I fought my mind. The entire morning. I knew I needed to go to the gym today but my mind was forcing every negative thought on me. See anxiety is loud. So loud. 

I made it to the gym. I made it through my cardio sesh. Huge relief. For some reason cardio triggers the most of my anxiety at the gym. Probably because I’m out of shape, getting out of breath + feeling weak is such a scare for me. I then made it through my arm workouts. And this is where I got inspired to share a little piece of my daily struggle. I can’t be the only one who fights through their work outs with anxiety. I can’t be the only one who feels like this? Who can’t seem to get back into the rhythm of a good work out. 

My body is strong. It has carried me through some tough stuff. I mean I carried and delivered two healthy babies! The human body incredible. It was meant to be pushed, worked and moved. So why am I so afraid of moving and working mine? The mind is so powerful.

Today I won. Today I made it to the gym. Through my cardio. Through my arm work out. And while seating in the dark stretch room on the gym floor with my kiddos safe in the kid care, I can finally get one struggle off my chest. Man does it feel good. Like sooooo good. Liberating actually. Anxiety is tough but so am I.

If you have anxiety, you're not alone. remember that.

I’ll  leave with one of my favorite anxiety quotes.
“Don’t believe everything you think.”

Post a Comment